


Rose Jumpered Breakup

by SweetDreamsDarling



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexuality, Breakup, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 00:36:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13846362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetDreamsDarling/pseuds/SweetDreamsDarling
Summary: Phil's been struggling with his identity, and when he thinks that he and Dan need to break up he can't stand it. He knows Dan would understand, but what if he took it the wrong way? What if Dan thought he was the problem?OrDan and Phil had started dating, but Phil wasn't sure about his identity. He loved Dan, of course, but every time things got heated he would suddenly close up or go with it just to please Dan. He didn't want to say anything in fear of knocking Dan's newfound confidence, but how can it work when Phil feels the need to hide?





	Rose Jumpered Breakup

**Author's Note:**

> This was requested and barely based off of the 5SOS song Want You Back

  
"Phil, you look like a ghost." Dan said, tapping his fingers on the mug that he'd put on the arm on the couch. He just had a long shirt on to keep himself warm, and some boxers, it was a nice sight really, his curls were all over the place and he just looked cosy. "Huh?"   
"Is something the matter?" He asked, beginning to unfold his legs from under him and get up, but didn't before Phil spoke. "I'm fine, I just got no sleep last night. Rough one." He tightened his grip around his own mug, unfazed by the burning that was beginning to spread. "Didn't I tire you out?"  
  
That's what made Phil want to shrink back, he had to tense to stop himself from cringing slightly. They'd had sex and Dan curled up by Phil and slept pretty much straight after. He, however, had stayed awake throughout the night, mindlessly playing with Dan's hair and thinking about everything. He couldn't switch off. He loved Dan, and he knew he should love Dan even when they got intimate, but he just couldn't. He felt nothing. He felt guilty.   
  
"You did!" He said it with a little more haste than needed, "Honestly, you did. I'm just stressed, I need to make videos and there's meetings and everything else, I just couldn't turn my brain off." It wasn't a complete lie, he had enough to worry about, but the worst thing was Dan. "As long as there's nothing else you're hiding, I'm here for you. You don't have to shy away from me because I'm a mess." That hit hard, if Dan was getting down again then Phil couldn't face up to what was happening. "You aren't a mess Dan."   
"Come here." Dan opened his arms and beckoned Phil towards him, "Let's just have a lazy day, everything else can wait."   
  
They watched anime throughout the entire day, binging on Tokyo Ghoul instead of starting a new one, it was just a sudden want to watch it. They'd got blankets and snacks to see them through the day.   
  
Phil fell asleep after the 3rd episode, glasses falling down his nose slightly. Dan had his head on his chest, feeling the way he breathed and hearing his heartbeat. He loved Phil Lester, and it was a wild ride. He never thought he would fall in love as hard as he did; never thought he'd be loved so much. People left Dan when he cut them out and pushed them away, but Phil constantly persisted and pulled Dan back to keep him above water. They'd made their life together, and nothing could tear them apart. He thought Phil was just going through some stuff, that he'd sort it out and they'd be back to normal.   
  
Phil woke up about 4 hours later and Dan was still awake. "Sleep well? You look a bit better than you did." He smiled up at Phil, watching him rub his eyes and push his glasses back up. "I feel it, I'm just worn out." Which was fair enough really, they were rather busy. "We can go to bed if you want? Just get some extra hours in before tomorrow." Dan was always up for extra sleep, if he could get it then he would because he adored it. "Sure..."   
  
Phil wanted to stay up and think, but Dan wouldn't go to sleep unless he was sure Phil had dropped off. He was protective like this, if Phil wasn't looking after himself then Dan would put himself out just to do it. Just lately, he'd noticed that Phil was getting slightly more isolated and looked tired constantly. There was something going on, but Phil was the type of person to work through things on his own, but it never did seem as bad as it had been getting. Whenever Dan tried to ask he'd get excuses.   
  
"I can't sleep." Phil proclaimed, shuffling slightly so he could move with Dan lying on him.  
"I gathered, Phil, you can talk to me you know." Dan heard him sigh, a clear sign something was bothering him. "I know, I just, I can't. I want to go on a walk, is that okay?"   


Dan knew the feeling.  
  
"Want me to come?" He asked, feeling mildly unwell thinking about how many times he'd just upped and left Phil alone in their apartment with no clue of where he'd gone. "It's okay, it's cold, you should rest up and keep warm. Don't want you losing your voice again." He chuckled after, but it was coarse and felt wrong in the silence. "Make sure you wrap up and take your phone."  
"I will, just don't wait up for me."   
  
Dan groaned slightly as Phil moved from under him, body hitting on the mattress. "Don't stray too far."   
"I won't."   
  
Phil reached down and picked up his jumper - the grey one with roses on the sleeves - and pulled it over his head. They'd just climbed into bed and threw their clothes on the floor, so it was the closest thing and by far the warmest. His jeans came next, and he could feel Dan's eyes on his back; he knew exactly what he was thinking.   
  
"I'll be back later, just get some sleep." Phil smiled slightly, but it didn't reach his eyes, and leaned down to kiss Dan. It was gentle, sweet, but there was something in the mix that they both felt. "Okay..."   
  
Phil really didn't understand the concept of walking to go through an issue, but in the sunset light he almost felt an ethereal calm and his head cleared of everything it needed to so he would work through his problem.   
  
'I love Dan, but I hate sex. It doesn't do anything for me. He's beautiful, he knows he is sometimes, but I don't want to say I don't want sex with him or it'll make him bad again.. If I want to be happy with someone, they'll deserve sex. That's what relationships can go forward with, intimacy. All I can do is break up with him, start somewhere else and. Not. Get. With. Anyone'  
  
He was sure his eyes were moving with the one-sided conversation flow. Dan did that too. Dan- He loved Dan, he truly did, and that's why he wanted him to be happy. Phil couldn't make him happy, he couldn't pretend like he wanted Dan to have sex with him, or that he wanted sex with anyone. He at least deserved basic couple stuff.  
  
It was dark when he decided he should go home, he didn't know the time but he hoped Dan would be asleep. Although he wouldn't have intentionally slept without Phil being safe, there was an off-chance that he'd drifted off. But regardless, Phil had made up his mind; leaving Dan would be best. It broke his heart, he loved Dan more than he'd loved anyone, but he couldn't keep going through it and go with all the lies.  
  
The lights were on when Phil crept in, it was the kitchen lights, so Dan either had got up and forgot to turn them off, or he was awake. Phil suspected the latter. Unsurprisingly, Dan was sitting at the table with a mug of hot chocolate between his hands, he was shivering slightly too. "You're back." He smiled slightly, but his eyes were glazed a little, "You need to tell me what's going on, Phil.". He did have to, but he didn't want to, he guessed it was best to get it over with then while Dan was expecting the blow.   
  
"We need to break up." Phil's words came out too fast, and Dan's eyes shot wider. It wasn't what he expected, he didn't want it; he couldn't cope without Phil by his side. "What? Phil, no. We aren't breaking up."  
"This will never work. It can't, I'll just go." Phil was speaking too quick for it to be coherent, he quickly turned and walked away.   
  
Dan wasn't having it, he threw himself out the chair and knocked his drink to the floor. "Philip Lester." His voice was low as he said it, making Phil stop in his tracks. "You aren't going anywhere... We can't just leave this all, we're so good together." Dan rubbed his finger on Phil's shoulder, trying to get some reaction. "It's over Dan."   
  
Phil left. He just walked out. Dan collapsed in the kitchen, feeling his lungs fill to bursting. Nothing could really tell anyone how bad Dan felt, but he dry heaved and and coughed up tears. Phil just left and didn't look back, not even a glance, and Dan didn't even know what had happened to them. All he could do was cry, whispering "Phil..." over and over again before he gave up in exhaustion.   


It took 2 days for Phil to come back through the door, Dan was sobbing in their room when he heard the key turn and he was up like a shot. "Who is it?" He called, voice raspy from the hours he'd spent in tears. "It's just me, I'll leave in a minute."   
  
No.   
Not again.  
Without missing a beat, Dan ran from their room and into the main room. "Phil, please, please listen to me." He was pleading, Phil was his other half and he didn't know how to function. He'd spent the time they'd been apart vomiting, crying, and remembering.  
  
It wasn't like Dan had experienced with breakups before, he hadn't really been that bothered, but he felt his heart tearing with each waking moment. He hardly ate, moving from under a duvet just reminded him of who should be there. The smell still clung to the bed, but Dan could deal with it and try and fall asleep. It was pretty easy when he was all cried out and felt horrible, his throat was killing too from the crying.   
  
He remembered running his fingers along Phil's back and joining up the freckles, making him giggle as it tickled him. It was one of the fondest things he did, and it was intimate. Dan didn't care so much for the sex, he loved Phil and nothing changed it. Soulmates were always together, and they were exactly that.  
  
"Dan, I'm sorry, it's not you at all." Phil ran his hands through his hair, showcasing the roses on his elbows. Had he not changed his clothes? "I don't care, please can you just explain what's going on? I've been tearing my hair out wondering why this happened."   
  
It hurt to see Dan's eyes well up, but Phil just didn't have the words until he was getting pulled over into the main room and on to the couch. "You can tell me anything, we can work it out." Dan took both of Phil's hands in his, rubbing his thumbs in slow circles. "You're going to hate me for it." Phil sighed, body deflating slightly. "I told you I'd never hate you, whatever is going on, you're mine."   
  
There was a moment of silence between them, they didn't even notice the noise from the neighbours as they went about their daily life - they had no clue what the boys were going through. 

* * *

  
Although loud, Dan and Phil were loved by their neighbours and they got on well. They weren't very sociable, so there wasn't much conversation between them, and the neighbours wouldn't go out of their way to see them. Actually, they had done once, when Dan had been extremely rageful for a gaming video. It was embarrassing when the woman asked if Dan was okay, and when the look told Phil that the woman thought they were having sex, but she was quick understanding when he explained that they were just YouTubers and they were playing games, he snuck some extra views from her too. If their neighbours were asked to describe them, they'd call them happy and sweet, and say that they didn't have to steal their dog and could just ask to have her in their apartment for a while.

* * *

  
  
They wanted a dog of their own someday.   
  
"Dan, it's nothing, it's me." Phil tried to pull away, but Dan held him on to couch. "Then you at least owe me an explanation." He was trying not to cry, they both were, if they cried then who knows where they'd end up. "I can't give you what you want." Phil didn't really know where to look then, it was sort of embarrassing. "You can, you do! What do you mean?" Dan shuffled closer slightly.  
"It's... I'm just... Look, I love you, but when we have sex I feel nothing, absolutely nothing."   
  
It was a shock for Dan, one he didn't really understand, but he didn't jump on being hurt. "Why? Has something happened?" It worried Dan that Phil could've been hurt, or that he himself had done something wrong. "No, no... I just don't feel the whole appeal for sex, it doesn't really get me."   
"So you don't like sex?"  
"It's kind of like that, I just hate having to lie to you when we get intimate like that, you deserve someone who can give you all you want and more. That person isn't me, I can't even get this right."   


Phil's eyes dropped to his lap when he finished his little explanation, but Dan jumped on it quick enough. "Phil, it's not you getting things wrong! You don't feel anything for sex, and that's completely fine. Sex isn't why I love you!" Dan didn't really know how to face it, he was usually comforting and eloquent with his words to people, but it just seemed different.   
  
"But you need someone to-" Phil took his hand away to gesture, a bit lost on how to say it, but it was obvious what he meant. "I have my hand, and... other things." Dan winked, and Phil covered his own face. "Dan!"  
"What? It's true!"   
"Yeah, but you didn't have to say it!" They smiled at each other, glad to be back to that then the tension that they'd both felt the past week or more. "Well I did, but anyway, I still love you Phil. You could've come to me about this and I'd have helped you work it out. Just because I'm not not into sex doesn't mean I'm mad at you for it."   
  
There was a bit of a pause while they got used to it, until Dan broke it, "You can say you're ace!" He put on a northern accent for the 'ace' earning a playful slap on the arm from Phil. "I don't know whether to leave you for that."  
"You couldn't bare." Dan grinned, then took the chance to crawl into Phil's lap and wrap his arms around him. "Guess what." He said.  
"You're a penguin?"  
"That's weird."  
"Well what else was I supposed to say?"  
"That I love you, silly."   
"Come here." Phil rolled his eyes, but brought Dan down to kiss him. "I've missed you."  
  
From there, they ended up lying on the couch, Phil clinging to Dan to stop him falling off the edge. "I'm supposed to be the melodramatic one, you ass." Dan said, eyes fixed on the TV.   
"What do you mean?"  
"That whole show of leaving me without a second look, like you could leave my fine ass behind."  
"You've used ass twice."  
"Ha! You can't argue it!" Dan laughed, but he did it a little too hard and slipped out of Phil's arms and onto the floor. A string of profanities followed with the bang of him hitting the carpet. "Language Daniel." Phil laughed, tongue sticking out the side of his mouth. "My butt! It's ruined!" Dan howled, exactly what Phil was thinking - melodramatic.   
  
"Phil help, you must carry me to our bed and watch over me as I recover." Dan lay down, arm slung over his eyes. "Why should I?"  
"Because you love me." Dan whined, lips twitching into a smile. Phil had an idea, he stood up and grabbed Dan's ankles, beginning to pull him along the floor. "Phil! Put me down!"  
"You asked for it." Phil was giggling, then he got to the stairs. "Phil don't you even dare." Dan was close to shrieking. "Give me your arms, Howell." Phil dropped his ankles and went to his wrists.   
  
Dan was one step ahead and tried to scrabble away from Phil, laughing with him as he did. He started running up the stairs, tripping onto all fours and beginning to go up them. "Come here!" Phil followed Dan and wrapped his arms around his waist, holding him still. "No! You caught me!".   
  
Phil clung to Dan's back, making him climb the last few steps with him there. "Phil, I am not a horse!" He was laughing though, and when he got to his room he stood over the bed and shook so Phil fell off, hitting the bed with a soft wail of the springs.   
  
"Happy now?" Dan rolled his eyes and sat on the bed while Phil got himself so he was lying with his head on the pillows. "Of course." And Dan lay next to him, weaving his fingers with Phil's. "I love you, you mustn't forget it." Dan moved so his head was on Phil's shoulder. They were back together, that's all that was ever going to matter.


End file.
